Whois fair game?

Ok … before we get started … I just wanted to say that life has taught me .. so far anyway … that there are a few very special relationships that should be protected above all else. These relationships are so close that they should be preserved, nurtured and never risked for the sake of love.

These relationships are more close than the "one degree of separation" between any two people that know each other (popularized by that book/movie) so I call them a half a degree. There are 3 types (oh and how us geeks love bullet points);

1. Family – this means siblings, parents and children. Not in-laws, not cousins … these are all “just” friends.
2. Exes – pretty self-explanatory, no? If not, these are people you were Sober.Pashing once.
3. Flatmates – people you live with … but aren’t shagging … right? And only current ones. Old flatty’s drop back to being “just” friends once you move apart.

Now, being pessimistic and assuming … as unfortunately in my life so far is always the case … that things will go to sh*t when you break up with your girlfriend … there is going to be some fallout … so you want to have the “luxury” of a clean break and not have to worry about the domino effect that your break-up might have.

So, when you’re thinking about getting “it” started with someone … and you’re wondering who should be on your radar … there is only one moral high-ground to take if you want to minimise fallout and that is to only chase the following …

Theory 1: Fair game is one and a half degrees of separation.

Look I really wanted to write 1½ and I even thought about writing 1.5 in the title but it looks more impressive ... more linguistically intelligent … to use words not numbers. I can fool people into thinking I’m a writer NOT a geek like that. But who am I going to fool!

Ok, back to the degrees of separation theory … so >1.5 … what does that mean? Well, basically it is how I try to live my life. It means friend of a friend is the only fair-game, or …

Friend + Friend = 1.0 +1.0 = 2.0 > 1.5 .......................... (1)

Of course it does mean that a friend's-ex's-sibling is also ok, or …

Friend + Ex + Family = 1.0 + 0.5 + 0.5 = 2.0 > 1.5 ........................ (2)

Bear with me … you can see from these two equations that yes the “degrees” are additive meaning 2 degrees of 1.0 equals 2.0 and 3 degrees of 0.5 equals 1.5.

You getting it?

Now, 1.5 degrees is morally “common” shall we say in that it is how most people behave. So this means sleeping with your friend's-ex's, your sibling's-friends or your ex's-sibling's-flatmates etc, or …

Friend + Ex = 1.0 + 0.5 = 1.5
Family + Friend = 0.5 + 1.0 = 1.5
Ex + Family + Flatmate = 0.5 + 0.5 + 0.5 = 1.5 ................ (3)

Now, I have heard of a few terms for people that are sleeping with a friend's-ex, and they are; “sperm-buddies” or “custard cousins” for guys and “sushi-sisters” for girls. But by my definition, that is at “best” 1.5, so not so cool. Unless of course you became friends after the event … or the two “events” in this case I guess … in which case there was no 1.0 friend relationship yet so it is all cool … if not just a little bit creepy.

1.0 is morally low shall we say because it means sleeping with a sibling's-ex, a flatmate's-sibling, an ex's-mother or sister (hmmm … that one sounds kind of cool for some reason) or a friend, or …

Family + Ex = 0.5 + 0.5 = 1.0
Flatmate + Family = 0.5 + 0.5 = 1.0
Ex + Family = 0.5 + 0.5 = 1.0
Friend = 1.0 ..................(4)

There are of course some substitution rules, so that a flatmate's-flatmate is still a flatmate (and is just 0.5) and a sibling's-sibling is either yourself (and Catholics just don’t do that) or still a sibling which is … errr … a Tasmanian thing. Don’t worry if this is getting confusing there is a picture at the end of this post.

0.5 is basically … illegal! It is like sleeping with an ex (which is of course like a dog eating it’s own vomit), sleeping with a sibling (which is actually illegal) or sleeping with a flatmate … which while most people think is cool (i.e. enough degrees) … I personally think you just don’t go there … you put them in the friend bin straight away … well at 0.5 degrees anyway … and happily become two trains in the night.

Ex = 0.5
Family = 0.5
Flatmate = 0.5 ......... (5)

Make sense?

Now get ready for the picture! It shows the relationship “options” closest to You! Red is bad, Green is good.

0.5 to 2.0 degrees of separation from You

So it’s pretty easy to see that the easiest path is through your friends! Friend of a Friend is 2.0 and a-ok and all others are 1.5 so at least that’s morally “common”. So get to it friends, set me up with YOUR friends!!!

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